So I have been feeling really stressed recently and feeling completely overwhelmed with how much i have to do this semester.
I have never been one that deals well with change, I like routine, or the familiar, and when i get used to a certain way of doing things I find it nerve racking and scary when something changes that means it will shift all that. I have grown very comfortable with the way my life is, my routine, having a fairly quiet life recently, doing my own thing, writing, reading, prepping for uni and spending time with my loved ones. Volunteering once a week and just easing myself into third year. Then i started back and it seemed like everything has just snowballed around me – and all of a sudden every day of my week is packed with new stuff to do – new things always cause me to worry and get nervous and it makes me want to just hide under the covers and pretend it isn’t happen. This week is one of the busiest weeks i have had in a very long time, I am starting a new job and a new placement and also have loads of uni work to do and everything is starting this week and next week and i had been getting a bit nervous about it since last week and when i allow myself to worry it gets so easy for me to put a dark cloud over everything and act like everything is something negative, i worry over things that haven’t even happened, start panicking that i won’t have enough time for my relationships, or uni work or seeing my friends etc when i am starting a new job and a volunteer position, I allowed my negative thoughts to take over and i have ended up being quite ill with a horrid cold the last few days so have had to miss a day of uni as a result!
i have spent today thinking about everything i have to do, and earlier on i decided to write it down, to see it out in front of me, and in actual fact it isn’t that much, it’s just because it is new, that’s what is worrying me, then i decided to sit and really think about it, there is nothing scary about it at all, its actually a wonderful thing, i am so lucky and blessed to have this job, it’s just because it’s new that is what is making me nervous, i realised i had become stagnant, staying in one place, i haven’t had a proper job since before uni and the thought of a new addition to my comfortable routine was unsettling, but in a few weeks it won’t be new, it will be just another part of my routine, and it wont be scary any more. It has been my instant reflex whenever i have to deal with something new and scary to just hide from it or run from it, never staying long enough to find out how great it might actually be. It is like i become a different person, this shy sheepish nervous person that isn’t really me, I am not really like that, it’s the worrier in me that needs to be squashed out and taken over by the confident woman who has gone through far scarier and bigger changes than this in the past and come out shining. I think that might be it really, i have been through so much, so many big changes, horrible changes, hard changes, new starts forced upon me, things i didnt want to have to deal with and it left me so nervous and scarred in the past that now whenever any change happens – even amazing ones, i still have the same negative reaction that i used to have to the bad changes. This needs to stop. If you are a worrier like me there are things we can do to stamp it out. A question i always ask myself when i am worrying is, ‘can i do anything to fix this problem right now?’, if the answer is no, then i simply write down what i need to do to fix it when it is the right time and when something can be done and then actively take my mind off it, – easier said than done i know but it does work, if you can do something about that worry there and then, if there is someone you can call, or something you can do to fix it to ease your worry or take it away then just do it there and then. Don’t dwell is my main point, don’t imagine the worst, get things in perspective, write down your worries, write it down so you can see it in front of you, chances are it probably won’t look any where near as scary as it does in your head and it will help you gather your thoughts and figure out a way of tackling it.
If your schedule is hectic like mine, write a plan for each day of what you are going to do and in each day make some YOU TIME, a time in the day when you do something you want to do, whether it be watching a movie, taking a bath with a great book, shopping, or whatever, just make sometime for you, it will give you something to look forward to during any tasks you have been worried about and will also make the day about something other than the other things you had to get done.
I find that it helps me to write down positive affirmations about myself, remind myself of who i am on the inside:
– hard working
– totally capable
write yourself a list and keep it in your bag or wallet or somewhere you can access it all day and focus on it, say it to yourself, remind yourself, remind yourself until you no longer doubt it, don’t let silly fears and niggling worries become something so much bigger than they need to be.
So this blog may just seem like a stream of consciousness and a bit of a ramble, maybe it is, but i suppose i am juing on what i am hoping others will aswell, writing down my worries, clearing my head. hopefully some of you can clear yours too.
Make time for you, plan your time, take a deep breath, and remember not to worry.
take care guys