In which the first twenty hours of 2010 don’t seem too great
My new year hasn’t been going well so far. It started at 6 am after about 4 hours sleep with a phone call. The last time I was woken up this early was my Mum telling me that my brother had been arrested and I would have to take the day off from volunteering in case he tried calling home after being released (he wasn’t charged) and the last time our phone had gone off that early I answered it to find out my grandfather had been taken to hospital. So I guess I panicked, and assumed the worst, although it was nothing really (my brother was outside with a girl he brought home and couldn’t get in because my Mum had deadbolted the door, as my brother was supposed to be spending the night in a friend’s house at a nearby city, but instead he spent £50 on a taxi).
So I guess everything was OK pretty quickly, but my adrenaline was up and my imagination was racing, and I had to do some proper breathing exercises for the first time since, well, since I was home in the Summer. Coincidence…?
Anyway, it was getting light by the time I got to sleep, and when I woke up at 10 I came downstairs to find my Mum and Dad playing on our new Nintendo Wii, but there was just a horrible atmosphere, like there had been a huge row, but no argument had taken place, just a bunch of passive-aggressive bullshit.
I guess I should back up to explain the next bit… as I said, we got a new Wii for Christmas, which is fun but it kind of sucks as it’s a “family” present, despite me living about six hours away most of the year. My Dad’s main present was an electric guitar, which he’s learning to play, and my Mum’s was Wii Fit with a balance board. My actual presents that are mine alone are three books (all of which I specifically had to ask for and was there when they were bought), a book token, and six pairs of socks. Which is fine, but something with a little imagination or originality would have made a real impact, I guess because I don’t have a lot of free cash at the moment I really had to think about the gifts I gave and had to shop around for them… Anyway, I’m completely off on a tangent now…
The problem this morning was yesterday I had a game I bought off the internet arrive (House of the Dead 2 & 3, which I’ve played on for 3 goes and have loved every second of! I’ve always wanted to own all four HotD arcade machines, and I’ve played the first one on the PC hundreds of times) as well as a plastic gun thing that you can slot the controller into so you can actually shoot at the Dead, which I know is pathetic but I’m really enjoying it. Anyway, my parents had come down and I’d left the controller in the gun and they couldn’t figure out how to get it out, despite it being pretty obvious and me showing Mum how to do it yesterday. So I come down and already it feels like I’ve caused a rift, and I’m all apologetic that they’ve had to change the other controller from being secondary to primary, which must have taken two minutes, and despite it kind of being my Mum’s fault for not being able to retain a simple piece of information for twelve hours… but now I’m just being bitter…
So there was a lot of passive aggressive sniping between my Mum and Dad, and also directed at me (because God forbid anyone step up and admit they’ve got a problem… not that I believe in God, only glow-in-the-dark Jesus who sits on my shelf and makes me feel bad about touching myself) and as it’s a day both Mum and Dad have off work, Mum wants to go for a walk, which means an hour in the car each way to spend two hours walking around in varying depths of mud in what is literally the freezing cold. So obviously that’s going to be no fun, but nothing in town is open, they’re taking the car and no buses are running, so my only other option is to wait for my brother to wake up hungover and try to fuck this girl, which frankly makes me feel kind of queasy.
So yeah, today has kind of sucked and things got a bit better in the evening, though my Mum still seems really moody. I think my parents are still pretty annoyed at my brother, I know he messed up (can’t believe he can’t even get pissed at New Year’s without screwing it up) and he’s had a few problems with alcohol before, but Mum seemed really annoyed that he’d drank too much. On New Year’s Eve. With his friends. It makes me feel that if they knew how much I’ve had some times at Uni (both before and during depression) they’d really hate me for it, when I don’t see the problem, as I’m not hurting anyone and it makes me feel normal and relaxed.
My main worry now is falling asleep, I had a really horrible dream between our phone ringing and coming downstairs to this trainwreck of a New Year’s Day. It’s like I was some kind of dark cloud, seeping through the walls of our house and killing off my family one by one, and spreading out across the world spreading disease and despair.
All in all then, a pretty lousy day. But it doesn’t matter as I’m counting it as a trial run. For me, the new decade starts on the second of January. The future starts tomorrow!
Comment by Rees posted on Sat, 02/01/2010 18:38
Thanks for your kind comment! I do try to keep my posts fairly light, as I think things can be a bit tough. I think sarcasm is a great tool for the disenfranchised – it’s sort of like a tiny rebellion every time it’s used. It’s only a bad thing when it’s used by authority figures to embarrass or belittle – like at the beginning of term someone set the fire alarm off and a safety marshal (or whatever) came over to give us all some important safety information to stop the alarm going off unnecessarily again. Which is obviously fine, only he started off by saying “We’re all out here because someone decided to burn their dinner” which infuriated me! Like anyone’s ever looked at a plate of food and thought “That looks great, but maybe I should carry on adding heat until it’s inedible.”
Today was better but still feeling penned in by my parents… at first they didn’t want me going in to volunteer, but it’s been snowing and literally no one else other than our manager would be there for the afternoon. They wanted me to stay at home and organise the living room as they’ve just ordered a plasma TV to arrive on Wednesday. So now I’ve got to spend Wednesday setting that up instead of going in, and Mum wants me to clean the garage out on Monday (though none of my stuff is in there, just my brothers old toys and my parents old furniture and electronics and things) which is frustrating, as I asked last night if I needed to take any days off and was told no.
Still, six days left at home and I can carve out some space for myself on three of them. Then back to my Uni room and I’m all set for some me time!
Comment by Lucy posted on Sat, 02/01/2010 17:42
I have to admit this did make me chuckle a little to myself. You just reminded me of myself when I am a bit pissed off. Sarcastic…which to be honest I love and anyone who says its the lowest form of humour just doesnt get it! Sometimes being sarcastic just makes it more light hearted I think! Just as long as tone it down a bit in case it might hurt someones feelings! But anyway! At least hopefully you will be going back to uni soon I presume! Even though my exams arent until the 20th and uni doesnt start till just after so I have ages yet….jesus…or glow in the dark jesus! Sounds just like my little alien i have staring at me when I sleep! I hope today has been a lot better for you! I sometimes find that just laughing at these things makes things a little easier! I often make mistakes..,.or fall over….or just plain make an idiot out of myself and well i frankly love myself for it now! makes my days a little bit more interesting! But i did get my pixie boots today for only £17 so i am tres happy! And all the things that have gone wrong disappear as I toddle about in my pixie boots! Lol! Sorry this is turning into a long and very strange comment…must get back to the point!
Anyway I just loved how honest and humourous you were in this blog. Yet at the same time you helped to highlight some of the stresses we have when we go back home. Its strange to think that the people who we are suppose to have undying love from can actually sometimes be the bleeding vein in our lives! I hope that everything is sorting itself out and your parents are getting better at sorting out the Wii for themselves!
Lots of luv